An Entomologist Judges Insect Halloween Costumes

My favorite time of year has come and gone. That magical time of year accompanied by weeks of  indecision, anticipation, and anxiety culminating in a last minute rush to a craft store to throw together  an overly-ambitious costume held together with hot glue and staples to finish 15 minutes before the party. Ah, Halloween. I missed any proper Halloween parties this year by being on the road, but insisted on being almost the only one wearing a costume to a party the next weekend SO I COULD HAVE MY HALLOWEEN, DAMMIT!

I blame my father.

Pink Bunny Rabbit cousin Julia was definitely the more normal child in the family

He was an expert last-minute costumer. I would request some cold blooded or deadly animal (see above: my childhood shark obsession phase) or a mythological beast, and magically he would make it a reality. Eagles, sharks, iguanas, Medusa, and Cerebus all emerged from his workshop, bulky and awkward, but to me, perfect.

But his creative impulses instilled in me a distain for those plastic bagged, store-bought costumes that require no effort and make you look like everyone else who went to Party City that year. Granted, this unwillingness to plunge into polyester mediocrity has caused many a stressful October 31 trying to bring lofty visions into some kind of structural soundness. But I still steadfastly refuse to buy into capitalist costume culture.

So this year, probably the afternoon before said party, I was perusing Google images for a spark of inspiration on how I might make myself a beetle costume with some elytra that looked somewhat accurate, but still allowed me to move around a room (a frequent conundrum). As John listened to me judging, mocking and critiquing the taxonomically incorrect insect costumes I came across, he suggested something so brilliant (and nerdy), I had to do it. So with that, I present the first year of:

An Entomologist Judges Insect Halloween Costumes

Lets start with the first entry:

This looks like a fun guy. So much fun that he can neglect AN ENTIRE PAIR OF LEGS. The abdomen is little more accurate, besides the non-jointed boots coming right out of the middle. And seriously, this needs TARSOMERES, not jazz hands! Also, the body shape is just not right. Bruh, you've got to lay off the Doritos and Dew if you want to acheive that Hymenopteran waistline. I will give him credit for the elbowed antennae though. C+

So to me this says more "ugly throw pillow on legs" than "ladybug". And as a side note, what's with the "cute ladybug" thing anyways? Ladybugs are voracious predators that gorge on goo-filled aphids and most certainly are not cute. And they definitely do not wink flirtatiously while wearing gaudy polka-dotted  beanbags.  But back to the, um, entomological aspects of this costume. The costume lacks any semblance of elytra , there appear to be garbage bags hastily attached to the back that are possibly supposed to be wings (?), the pattern is more reminiscent of Minnie Mouse that any lady bug species, and...well, actually it's pretty clear that this costume makes no attempt to have any remotely entomological details. D-

Now parents can go to Pottery Barn and get an expensive crappy store-bought costume! If it hadn't said "BEETLE COSTUME" on the website, I would not have guessed it to be a beetle. More like a weird Martian pleather handbag with a child's face inside. Also is this insect costume made of... faux alligator skin? Hmm. Again, it needs another pair of legs (skinny jeans and Doc Martens are  a distinguishing characteristic of all the Coleoptera), and a less bizarrely inflated head. What I really don't get is the David Bowie-Life on Mars? makeup that is apparently an essential part of the costume, judging by the tutorial on the website. Huh.

It does light up, which is a pretty great characteristic of a costume, so I guess we will go with light-up wierd Martian pleather handbag with 1971 David Bowie's face inside. But not a beetle. D+

Oh no. A word on the "sexy fill-in-the-blank" costume. This is a major pet peeve of mine. I won't even get into the rampant hyper-sexualization of women promoted by a capitalist consumer culture (I'm just an entomologist). But WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE A SEXY BEE?! ITS A BEE. The only bee that has anything to do with sex is the queen and she spend her days hauling around a disproportionally large, distended abdomen depositing thousands of eggs into little hexagonal cups. What could be more sexy? Why is it that women are always pigeonholed into having to be "sexy" for Halloween, even if the costume subject is decidedly not sexy or really has nothing to do with sex. Jeeze. Also, the costume only has two wings. And a tutu and heels. Taxonomy fail. D-

Ooh, ok, now this is better. This person clearly has some entomology background (and heavy goth tendencies). The mesothoracic legs are awesome and the headdress with horns/mandibles and antennae is great, and more-or-less accurate (also, how did she make those?) I like the stylized look of this beetle. But my favorite part of this costume is that there are elytra on the back AND the wings underneath the elytra that unfold for flight! Bravo. The jewelry detracts from the realism of the insect (along with the fact thats it's a human) but best I've seen so far. A 




                                    



Now you can look sort of like the Jake Blues from the Blues Brothers, if Jake Blues was a poorly drawn bug you made with MS Paint when you were nine. With a plush bathmat on his chest and a pair of futuristic space testicles on his head. I don't really even see what they are going for with this... fly? If they are really going to give a fly a ridiculous hairy wolf chest, at least add a gold chain. The whole thing kind of screams  "I made some kind of attempt, but then the beer arrived and Brock starting calling for keg stands". However, this fly costume DOES have two wings (finally someone got it right!) C-

Oh for the love of....! No. Just no. 

OK, so this one make my cold hard entomologist's heart melt a little (although, to be honest, I've never met a coldhearted entomologist. Despite the fact that we study the emotionless badass robots of the animal kingdom, most of us are very friendly people with solid emotional intelligence.) These kids have got sort of a lego beetle thing going on, not terribly accurate, but something about little kids making costumes out of clunky cardboard boxes makes me giggle. And the cardboard boxes do make for some solid beetle elytra, unlike just about every other beetle costume reviewed so far.  Sure they have googly eyes, but I am counting 3 pairs of (not really anatomically accurate) legs. And in true insect form:

Hehe! I love this. This is commitment to looking like a proper insect! Now if the could only crawl up the walls. So points for homemade-ness, proper elytra, cardboard exoskeletons, and attempted insect activity, points off for googly eyes (though thats debatable-googly eyes are an amazing invention) and inaccurate legs. B+/A- 

So I give these ladies mad props for a few reasons: 1. Not caving to the expectation of wearing a "sexy" costume. 2. TARSOMERES 3. Educating people about the risk of moving firewood that potentially hosts invasive beetles!  (https://www.dontmovefirewood.org). But while the Asian Longhorned Beetle kills it, the Emerald Ash Borer, is, well, a little weak. I look at this insect all the time and the costume is the wrong green (too light), not shiny enough, and the abdomen is too short. And I know, we've all been there, using pipe cleaners for last minute antennae when you're in a rush and have to grab something cheap at the dollar store or raid your friends' kids' craft box, but honestly, sometimes you have to put in a little more effort for a great costume. ALB:A, EAB:B-

Then theres this. I know, its a spider, not an insect, but HOLY #$%! this is unbelievable. Honestly, the harder is is to navigate a crowded party to get to the keg, the better you are doing in the costume department. This seems pretty damn accurate, and, well, terrifying. A+

But really, my favorite thing that I bumped into on the internet this year is this video from, of course, Boulder, CO. Now these are some accurate looking beetles! Ok, so maybe the human faces protruding creepily from the beetle sternums are a bit much, but overall, these things are amazing. And you've gotta love the tarsomeres.

This concludes my scathing review of the Google image search using the term "insect costume". There were many more over which I could have waxed nerdy and indignant. But the truth is, folks, that we as a society are not taking our insect costuming seriously enough. Our complete disregard for for proper tarsal formulas and basic elytra really grinds on our entomologically-inclined citizens. And sexy insect costumes are actually a crime against nature. Parents, talk to your kids about taxonomy. Otherwise, they might end up on this blog.

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Oh, as a completely unrelated side note, heres my (our) costume, John Lennon and just another beetle. And as you can, its practically perfect in every way (if you don't look too hard). Oh well, we all gotta resort to pipe cleaners sometimes...